where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
