i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
