Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
