I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
