Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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