woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
