your parents love me but you hate me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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