your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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