dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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