I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
