She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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