this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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