You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
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The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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