is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
BRING THE BAGELS
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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