Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
