You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Never underestimate the power of titties
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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