Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
