Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
