someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
