really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Can I color on your dick again?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
