i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
3 2 1 whiskey
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
