oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
