I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
