I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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