even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
