I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
