Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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