Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
