fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
