i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
and you fell through a lawn chair
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