Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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