Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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