we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
