your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
