Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
