Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
