I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
