Little spoons don't ask big questions
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
