I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
mondays should just be called national damage control day
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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