WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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