I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
