bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
