I wish life had little blips of pornography
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
