You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
