I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
