Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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