i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
