so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
