You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She bit a glass in half.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
