is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
