let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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