Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
