it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
