I think I died a long time ago.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
40s are totally the cure
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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