So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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