No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
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future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How naked do you want me to be?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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