he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
