i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
