just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
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I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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