We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
