I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's blow job season.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
