So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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