i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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