i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
