my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
