Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
