she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
