what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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