Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
