Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
