Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
