Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
