1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You are the jesus of drinking
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
